Hiya. Karl here. Marty has once again decided to leave the keys to his blog in the hands of relative strangers while he goes off on a little vacay. This time he’s not getting married because, well, he’s already married. He’s off in Hawaii, Twittering away in the sand and surf.
I’ve never been to Hawaii because I refuse to acknowledge its statehood until I can drive there. But I understand it’s very nice. Here are some things Marty can do while he’s there.
- Run in slow motion along the beach, carrying a red Baywatch life buoy. Rescue several swimmers, whether they need it or not. Be careful not to put them down until you reach the parking lot. They’ll thank you.
- Roast pigs with apples in their mouths. Pigs love that.
- Get on a dining table and sing the entire Don Ho repertoire. Be sure to acquire a bubble machine for the encore.
- Reenact the Brady Bunch Hawaii episodes. Try not to freak out with a tarantula on your chest.
- Look for Higgins from Magnum, P.I. Don’t come home until you find him.
- Get leid.
- Find the four-toed statue from “Lost.” Put a giant toe ring on it.
- Have a scavenger hunt and look for consonants. They’re a rare find in Hawaii.
- Bungee jump into a volcano.
- Collect several hundred beer bottles. Put messages in each one, cork them, and set them into the water to see where the bottles go. Wait for a response.
That ought to keep Marty busy.