Comfortably Unhappy
|Eventually something consumes your thoughts so often that you need to document the details. This is where it happens right here.
Back almost 2 years ago, I wrote about my frustration on my day job. Today, I am just as frustrated, if not more. Yet I stay employed at this job. I mentioned in that post that I wanted to make some changes and move on to another place of employment, but as I write these words, I have not moved on. The details in the post about the decision I made is still my ultimate goal, yet I stick around this place and see that things have become worse on several levels. This is where I have defined myself as comfortably unhappy.
The state of being comfortable in a place where you get a paycheck and can comfortably pay your bills, have some flexible time to run errands during the day and have a decent amount of time off that affords me to leave the office several times a year.
The unhappy part comes from two years of taking over desktop support for the previous person [who is missed every single day] the higher ups decided to let go, with no consulting myself on this additional responsibility that I didn’t ask for. Adding to the unhappy level is the fact that 60% of my time is doing desktop support, which takes away from the projects I so wish I had time to work on: an upgrade to Exchange 2007 and increasing our VMware footprint of virtual servers.
Added on top of this was my review I received this week. My worst one in the almost 9 years I’ve been at this company. So why was it worse? I did not complete the projects on my goal list [I just outlined the reason why above] and had my attendance taken down a number, even though I live 3 miles from work, answer my phone 24/7, work weekends when there are issues that need to be addressed and rarely calling in sick [I don’t remember the last time I did]. For someone who takes responsibility and being reliable serious, this is a giant slap in the face.
The Final Straw?
I don’t want to keep ranting about this because it upsets me even to write this out, but it’s a good thing to put it out there and get out how I feel about this. As before, I plan to leave but have now set a date of September 2012 to find another company, get an Exchange 2007 migration into my skills and work towards my ultimate goal of leaving the IT world in further pursuit of my writing and filming career. I have let this job take away too much of my power over the last two years and let it affect not just what I do during the day, but my personal life’s interests. While I’ve gone back to the gym three days a week and have done so for 10 weeks now, I need to take all of the other facets of what I want to do in life and add those back into my schedule and push for the changes that I sorely need.
Because if I have to come back here in two years to post another day job ranting update, I don’t see it becoming any more positive.
Working towards making this one work here on all levels.
They are stealing little bits of your soul every day and will continue to do so. This makes me sad.
Yes, and you know this (since you were a part of this soul stealing place for a time). Sometimes, you need the two year extra kick to finally say “enough”
Sorry to hear that you’re still frustrated and wish you all the best in finding something else. I know it won’t make it any better but I can somewhat related to everything you wrote here.
Actually, it does help knowing others can relate with something similar.
Wow. Comfortably Unhappy. That completely describes how I feel at work too – I just feel like I can’t write about it. That review was a low blow, when you are picking up the slack bigtime and have a huge desire to work on those other projects. I hope you find something better by your goal time of Sept 2012!
On a side note (this post made me think of it) – did you get your Film magazine?
I see it’s a feeling others get at their place of work, too. I understand about not being able to talk about it on the blog. I didn’t name the company I work for directly, even though I’m sure some that know me will easily figure it out. But aside, I didn’t want to directly name names.
And yes, I am getting Filmmaker Magazine. Very much appreciated.
Comfortably unhappy. I get that. I’ve been there, and it basically took having a baby with no maternity plan in place to begin finding the way out (I started to work from home). Once I got laid off a few years later, I had a disabled little one my hands and few options for working, so I started freelancing. I haven’t looked back since.
I hope you can find what you need without a huge emotional upheaval driving it!
I like your story of how you made the change and have never looked back. I am hoping to have a similar experience.
I know a LOT of people who are taking up the slack for someone or someones let go, and it’s utter bullshit to expect ONE person to fulfill the job of many – especially when it’s without a pay raise! It really pisses me off. I’m super sad you have to endure this.
However, you’ve got it in goals and now it’s HERE, in the universe.
Bestest wishes for you, and I know you’ll make it happen.
You know, I actually wouldn’t be as pissed if they would have discussed it with me before hand. It’s a trust thing, and there is pretty much none of that between the higher ups and the lower ends. Bullshit is the best way to explain it.
I hope the new pursuits work out for you, man. I really do. Keep us posted.
Thanks Kevin. And of course, there will be updates here when changes happen – even if it’s before September (my last vacation of the year in over Labor Day)
when you are a famous filmmaker, can i say i knew you when you were a penguin for halloween?
xoxo
Yes, you can. That will be an awesome story to tell (and since there’s pictures, very believable)
Comfortably unhappy perfectly describes where I’m at too. We recently had some big changes and I’m not sure where I stand anymore. That on top of all the layoffs and corporate shenanigans and I am right there with you, wanting to make a change but unsure how yet. I think what I need to do is get serious about my photography and make that my goal.
I hate the practice of laying people off and expecting the rest to do more with less. It’s complete bullshit and I don’t understand how corporations don’t see that what they’re doing isn’t sustainable. It doesn’t build loyalty, that’s for sure.
I think the sad state that a lot of companies are in these days brings us all into a familiar, yet frustrating, level. Finally setting a date for me was what helped make me think forward instead of just paycheck to paycheck.
Between you and Megan (and both Kevins’), your photog skills would be very much appreciated (and desired) by many.