Karl and His Honda EliteHiya, Banal Leakage fans! It’s Karl from SecondHand Tryptophan. Marty asked me to fill in for him while he’s off getting married or somesuch thing.

And since I have some experience with scooters, I suppose I’m a natural fit for Scooter Sunday. Granted, I haven’t ridden a scooter since I was 20 or so, but for a while, my gorgeous Honda Elite gold scooter was my only mode of transportation. It was beautiful AND economical. Filling up the tank with a couple of dollars in gasoline got me around for quite a long while.

Geez, look how skinny I was back then. And what a marvelous mullet I had going on. Hey, it was the 80’s, OK?

I thought I’d talk about the difficulties associated with owning a scooter. Specifically, what it’s like to try and maintain some semblance of a love life when your only vehicle is a 150cc scooter.

One of the worst dates I ever had was partially located on my scooter. I was working at Hastings Books, Records, and Video. Yeah, people were still buying records. I was also working at the radio station, so a record store was really a perfect job for me.

Working in retail, I saw many fine looking babes come into the store. And one such babe was Mary. Being one of the only places to rent movies in town, I had access to a lot of personal information. When I saw Mary, I was all over her info like fleas on a dog. And I decided to ask her out.

But back then, I always had to do things in extreme fashion. (Totally unlike now.) So I gathered a dozen yellow roses and decided to deliver them to her school. Yeah, she was a senior in high school. I was 18. I went with a friend from work and we drove to Tularosa, a good 10 or 15 miles away. And I delivered the roses to her school with a card that said something like: “You’re beautiful. Would you go out with me?”

Awwww, I know. I’m a romantic.

She called me and agreed to a date. What I didn’t tell her was about my sole means of transport. So when I showed up at her house on a frigid evening…it was less than 50 degrees…on a SCOOTER, let’s just say she was less than thrilled. She didn’t SAY that, she was far too polite, but I could tell that she wasn’t all that excited about putting her well-done hairdo into a helmet.

And driving from Tularosa back to Alamogordo to go to dinner and a movie. At night. In the cold of winter.

After we thawed out, we had dinner in the mall (where the theater was) and then went to the movies. I don’t recall much of the date, other than to say she was perfectly polite the entire evening, despite her misgivings. And when I drove her BACK to Tularosa and actually had the audacity to ask her for a kiss at her door, she politely declined.

AND she never returned my calls after that. I called quite a few times but she was never there and always unavailable. I got the hint after 10 tries.

The funny thing about this story is that Mary is now married to my old best friend from high school, Mike. They have a gajillion kids now and she still recalls very well our date. She still mentions the yellow roses because they are her favorite flower.

What I DIDN’T tell her was that those flowers were regifted. I received them from someone who thought I was hot and had them delivered to Hastings. I didn’t think SHE was hot, so I gave the flowers to Mary, who was TOTALLY hot. Yeah, that’s class, baby.

Just think of me as ahead of my time. Not only was I environmentally conscious with my Honda Elite, but I also recycled flowers. Yep, I’ve been green for decades.

Congrats to Marty on his marriage this weekend. I appreciate him letting me guest post here and hope you’ll all drop by my place. I promise not to make you ride on my scooter, which I sadly sold in my early 20’s.