Hiya, Banal Leakage fans! It’s Karl from SecondHand Tryptophan. Marty asked me to fill in for him while he’s off getting married or somesuch thing.
And since I have some experience with scooters, I suppose I’m a natural fit for Scooter Sunday. Granted, I haven’t ridden a scooter since I was 20 or so, but for a while, my gorgeous Honda Elite gold scooter was my only mode of transportation. It was beautiful AND economical. Filling up the tank with a couple of dollars in gasoline got me around for quite a long while.
Geez, look how skinny I was back then. And what a marvelous mullet I had going on. Hey, it was the 80’s, OK?
I thought I’d talk about the difficulties associated with owning a scooter. Specifically, what it’s like to try and maintain some semblance of a love life when your only vehicle is a 150cc scooter.
One of the worst dates I ever had was partially located on my scooter. I was working at Hastings Books, Records, and Video. Yeah, people were still buying records. I was also working at the radio station, so a record store was really a perfect job for me.
Working in retail, I saw many fine looking babes come into the store. And one such babe was Mary. Being one of the only places to rent movies in town, I had access to a lot of personal information. When I saw Mary, I was all over her info like fleas on a dog. And I decided to ask her out.
But back then, I always had to do things in extreme fashion. (Totally unlike now.) So I gathered a dozen yellow roses and decided to deliver them to her school. Yeah, she was a senior in high school. I was 18. I went with a friend from work and we drove to Tularosa, a good 10 or 15 miles away. And I delivered the roses to her school with a card that said something like: “You’re beautiful. Would you go out with me?”
Awwww, I know. I’m a romantic.
She called me and agreed to a date. What I didn’t tell her was about my sole means of transport. So when I showed up at her house on a frigid evening…it was less than 50 degrees…on a SCOOTER, let’s just say she was less than thrilled. She didn’t SAY that, she was far too polite, but I could tell that she wasn’t all that excited about putting her well-done hairdo into a helmet.
And driving from Tularosa back to Alamogordo to go to dinner and a movie. At night. In the cold of winter.
After we thawed out, we had dinner in the mall (where the theater was) and then went to the movies. I don’t recall much of the date, other than to say she was perfectly polite the entire evening, despite her misgivings. And when I drove her BACK to Tularosa and actually had the audacity to ask her for a kiss at her door, she politely declined.
AND she never returned my calls after that. I called quite a few times but she was never there and always unavailable. I got the hint after 10 tries.
The funny thing about this story is that Mary is now married to my old best friend from high school, Mike. They have a gajillion kids now and she still recalls very well our date. She still mentions the yellow roses because they are her favorite flower.
What I DIDN’T tell her was that those flowers were regifted. I received them from someone who thought I was hot and had them delivered to Hastings. I didn’t think SHE was hot, so I gave the flowers to Mary, who was TOTALLY hot. Yeah, that’s class, baby.
Just think of me as ahead of my time. Not only was I environmentally conscious with my Honda Elite, but I also recycled flowers. Yep, I’ve been green for decades.
Congrats to Marty on his marriage this weekend. I appreciate him letting me guest post here and hope you’ll all drop by my place. I promise not to make you ride on my scooter, which I sadly sold in my early 20’s.