Today marks five years since my mom died. It’s a very melancholy day for me as each year this date approaches, I go back and remember the times I had with my mom – good, bad, indifferent, fun, boring, relaxing, regretful and memorable.

My mom in front of her apartment in Garden Grove, CA – September 02, 2002

I was 42 when she died, so I had at least a good many years to spend with her. She had just turned 83 in January 2006 and started to have some serious health issues related to melanoma. I was kind of oblivious to some of it, because even though I knew almost 2 years sooner that she had contracted melanoma, I thought she had beat it.

Marty, Tiffany and my mom – Christmas Day 2002 in Utah

But after taking a nasty spill at work just a couple weeks after her 83rd birthday, the cancer had returned after her doctor ran some tests. I visited and called her often, making weekend trips from Utah to Orange County and talking to her on my way to work and on my way home almost every day.

One of the last photos I have of my mom, inside her apartment – March 15, 2006

I took a trip with my wife and her family in March 2006 to Disneyland, where each morning, I went to see my mom and spend some time with her. It was then I had realized that she was not well. And then on the evening of April 4, 2006, I got the call from my sister to make the trek back to California. And at 7:31pm on April 6th, she passed on. I was able to be there when it happened and will be forever grateful to have those last hours with her, some alone and some surrounded by family.

My mom’s senior photo from high school – 1941

Thanks to a second cousin and many pictures stored in boxes, I was able to get quite a few photos of my mom and found many that reminded me of her times of growing up. I still have a lot to scan and digitize, but at least I have them now to remind me of her life.

RIP, Mom

I have visited my mom’s grave a few times over the years, most recently last October. As a final resting place, it’s a reminder to me of someone who lived a long life, even battling cancer at the very end.

So as this 5th year approaches and passes, I am left with many memories of my mom. And I hope those memories continue with each year.

For the longest time, it was any kind of loss. As a kid, losing a favorite toy at the grocery store is still a memory that’s burned into my brain [in fact, I am picturing the exact spot at the Lucky supermarket in 1971, where I last saw my little red truck that I was playing with - odd, huh?]. For years, losing various physical items would reduce me to a fit of obsession, looking for said lost item. Fortunately, I’ve been able to better manage how I deal with losing an inanimate object. For example, in August of 2000, I left my Toshiba Libretto on the UTA Trax train when I worked downtown. While I miss the non-replaceable photos and other data, I dealt with the physical loss very well, moving on quickly.

When it comes to humans and pets, I don’t deal well at all. I learn to adjust, but it takes more time to fully realize someone or some creature is gone. I’ve been reassured this is a good thing, because it means I care. But the pain of losing a loved one is never easy.

As those of you that follow me on Twitter and Facebook know, my wife and I had to put our oldest cat down yesterday. Tigress would have been 20 years old on Memorial Day.

Tigress – Queen of the Bed and Blanket

Not even two weeks previous, we had to put down our 17-year-old cat, Princess Maggie.

Maggie – Parked in the driveway

Losing two feline companions in less than two weeks is hard. Both were somewhat unexpected, as both age and physical problems caused their health to decline quickly.

Going from 4 to 1

Up until last July, we had four cats. Our first to pass away was Mamma Kitty, who was 20 years old.

Mamma says, “My chair”

Losing three cats in eight months has taken a toll on me. While I’ve not known them their entire lives, I’ve spent almost eight years with them and getting very attached. I’ve always been a cat person and when my wife and I first met, that was one of her criterias for a partner.

An Entire Lifetime

But knowing someone your entire life and losing them is hard, as my wife has experienced with the cats and as I did when my mom passed away in April 2006, losing her battle with melanoma cancer at the age of 83.

Both my mom and I loved the beach – her at Newport Beach, CA in 2002

This past Monday was three years since she died and while time has helped to ease the pain of not having her around, I still have vivid memories of her and still get emotional when presented with thoughts and wishing I could call her again to share what’s going on in my life.

And for me, there lies one of the main reasons I don’t deal with loss. I miss being with those I care for and love. I miss snuggling with the cats or driving to California and hearing my mom tell her experiences. Call it selfish, but once those people and animals are gone, those times are gone, too.

I’ll get past this dark period of loss, and once I do, I know at least I’ll have the memories of pets I’ve grown close to. I leave you one final photo of our remaining cat: Rocko. May he live for a good while longer. This fragile and caring heart can’t take another loss anytime soon.

Rocko – King of the Deck